BOO!

Growing up I was a very nervous, paranoid child. I was bullied as well (mostly for being quiet and

keeping to myself), so I began picking up these fears of being judged, laughed at, begin made fun of etc. People just scared me. I often had small anxiety attacks every day that I went to middle school. I feared being around large groups of people for too long. School (the time I was in middle school) was actually the biggest factor in my fear. I feared failing, but I also feared actually succeeding in school because both would get you made fun of. Speaking in front of people while they looked up at me scared me to death. I would shake so bad, and immediately think all of these horrible thoughts about myself. I'd stutter, and get my worlds all mumbled up. When I came home at the end of the day i'd feel so depressed and tired. I would cry a lot not wanting to go back the next day. My attendance was horrible, mainly because I was actually getting sick from being depressed from school all the time.

These fears held me back from a lot of things. I couldn't accept my appearance, for a long time I denied that there was ever anything good about me. I felt like I wasn't talented, smart, or fit for school. My paranoia, nervous panics, and the rest of my fear was taking a toll on school, my social life, and my health. I was scared of reaction all the time. Mainly my thoughts filled up with "what if…?" it pushed me to be a complete over thinker. I really did get sick a lot because I was depressed. I never liked eating at school (I got rushed to the hospital for food poisoning.) I wouldn't do my work because I feared being too smart, which would result into being called a "nerd" I barely had any friends so I couldn't tell people how I was feeling, but I knew there were other students just like me. 

Currently now, my mindset has changed where I can't stand for anyone, or even myself to be the reason I fail. Im smart. Ambitious. I have drive. Im compassionate. I can be completely determined. I am trustworthy. Open-minded. Quick thinker. All of these things. They are all who I am now. I've managed to process and deal with my fears by seeking out what positive aspects my loved ones see in me. I accept new challenges that I know will scare me, but I tell myself "I am bigger than this." or "This is only temporary." When I get conquer  some of my fears I often remind myself it'll be better once I get it over with. Some times I even seek out people with the same fears as me and figure out how they deal/dealt with it. Its even more relieving to know you aren't the only one dealing with this specific fear. 

Have no fear my dear

I'm here to free your mind.

Have no fear my dear

all it takes is time.

We are the people who don't speak often

Fear kept me in that coffin.

No longer holding back,

larger crowds won't give me no heart attacks.

At the end of every peaceful session,

you'll learn to fight that cold hard depression.

Believing what others had to say

taught me two valuable lessons:

Honor roll will make you feel good, and yes I do mean to brag.

Hold on to yourself, cause thats all you'll ever have.