RESOIL AND G(R)LOW UP!

Around the end May of this year I was at work trying to enjoy my lunch break. I get a call from my sister in law and she seemed so upset. She knows im always willing to listen to her when my brother upsets her in anyway. During her rambling she slipped up and said "...and today I threw up and found out I was pregnant. I dont need this stress!" My chipotle fell out my mouth and onto the floor. I asked her to repeat what she had said and she calmly said she was a few months pregnant. All I could think about was how much controversy this was about to stir in both of our families. My brother doesnt exactly have his life together at 24 years old, and she doesnt either at 21. After lunch I couldnt even focus. Im going to be an aunt? What? Why? This isnt specifically about me, but another life that I thought didnt deserve to be born in such an unstable enviornment. The world is so dangerous right now. My heart was dropping into my stomach at that moment. I knew my sister in law needed all the help she could get before her baby was born.

Intially, I was abit irritated with the fact that my sister decided she wanted to have her baby. But in the end im pro-choice. But not with my older brother. He's selfish, irresponsible, rude, arrogant, etc. But him having a child could change his life for the better, and maybe he wouldnt be those things I just named him any longer. Also me being the youngest child of my siblings, and pretty much one of the youngest of my generation in my family I was crushed I wouldnt get as much adoration as "the baby" in my own family. I was going to be looked at as an aunt... an adut wow. These arent bad things but I feel like ive been forced into my own current responsibilities I havent felt ready to take on since seventeen. Now, this child is coming and its another responsibility and duty.

It is now the beginning of October, the baby is due at the end of this month or early November. I'm excited for this new life to cherish. Its a blessing... I cant wait to teach my nephew things that I wish I had known earlier in my life. My brother probably wont be available for some of his life due to bad decisions and karma. I'm not going to be his little sister for much longer. I'm going to be the one whos helping raise his first born son. I finally get feel as excited as the people around me when they were informed about my arrival to this world. As I was a blessing, he is too. Learning that I was going to be an aunt is the best thing I've ever heard actually. I have a whole new perspective on being an adult and not just a child anymore. I have goals as an adult that I want to accomplish for my nephew and maybe even my future kids. Just knowing he's going to phsyically exist in my arms just a short few weeks for now and blowing my mind with love and excitement.

POEM:

Long road ahead now.

Find your power, do not become oppressed by the law.

We are taught that darkness is a bad thing.

Yet darkness is simply light...

Although we must find that first.

Plant the seeds of the unwanted,

and grow into our gold.

Is your glass empty or half full?

Are you living to survive?

Or surviving to live?

You must make everything out of your new day.

Tomorrow isnt as promised as today.

Sow the seeds of negativity.

Water the dirt and watch it grow.

The sun's light has made it beautiful,

in a world full of dark shadows.

The world does not owe us this, it is simply our duty.

Turn chaos into beauty.

Hate into love.

Dreams into realities.

Live. Prosper. Love. Conquer.